Angels are amongst us  

image. . . and when you have them, cherish, is the word.


“Angels have so much power, that if I were to tell you everything I have seen, it would exceed belief!”

—Emanuel Swedenborg


How blessed we know we are when given so many good and truly amazing siblings who do stand proud with us on this earthly plane of experience.  They who teach us all we will need to get through the ‘testing’ of heaven and hell’s intertwining as we seek the light leading us home, and even as they too, experience the burdens given of mental and spiritual temporal ‘demons’. With my own outer armor made toughened by circumstance, I do still stand silent in defense of inward heartaches.  At times, I am silently sensitive toward mean and condescending words and actions of others.  I must have stepped forward before my ‘God’ in the beginning and in the knowing of impending fear as I plead my case for extra courage. I must have expressed my want and need for an army of Angels to guide me in their light at all times to accompany me in the battles of shadows of self-loathing offered by those of misunderstanding heart while I too, was expected to learn humility.  A merciful and loving ‘God’ did give to me in my plea an abundance of unmerited grace in form of a multitude of keepersAngels protecting me from the offenses of an obtusely un-reasoned reality.   Steadfast of love they are, and do stay firm of conviction as was promised, and so to ’til the end of my days they sure me up with blessings as I await the anticipated passing through the intimate veils of eternity.  Unconditional love and wise words from these my Angels have set my heart free, because they love me for me—the I of I am of fault and flaw.



do know the whys and ways of Love, because I have learned to love so deeply.  ‘Demons’ due taunt me, and have taken due love from me, but never will they sway me or stray me completely from love, so long as I shall live, because the Angels are here to prevent the near inevitable ‘self’-implosion offered within the contradictions and conundrums contrived of ‘demons’ residing of  life.



I pay full heart’s attention to my mentors given of life.  I am always the ‘student’ of learning the concealed ways of ‘being’ from them.  



“Carry-on is what we do, only we don’t have to do it alone.” 

Maya Angelo



It’s all about the lyrics!  I love my tribe . . . there would be no ‘home’ without them.



Catherine .♥. (Wednesday, July 25, 1956)

Cathy . . .  you will always be to me, and as sure as to know you is to fall in love with you.  I always remember to bring my hard-held sense of humor to your table of shenanigans.  You are surely the double-edged lathe of heaven.  I can’t recall a time in life that I was not under your spells of both laughter and madness.  I still wear the scars and badges from your whip of choice . . . your tongue!  Even in my most seriously sad moments of childhood, you did take all things to heart—the good the bad and the ugly, and even in your reviling of us at times as older siblings do.  There were many times that each of us experienced great sadness—at seemingly hopeless ends you extended your protections. Strut you did your proud-ness before me, gave me that gentle but forceful shove at the back of the head . . .  or a gentle pull of the hair . . . or a tender punch on the shoulder and say such things like, “What is your problem?!  Do you think you’re the only one in the world that has stupid things to deal with?!  Get the hell up and stop being a crybaby! You’ll be alright!”  I know I was a crybaby, and a very small and sensitive child. A mere name-calling would set me off on a self-pity tangent for a week.  I never doubted for a moment that you endeared yourself upon us.  You had a gift for making us ‘see’ that the seemingly hard and hurtful things were no more than a trivial incident of moment.  You told us jokes and made us laugh, or, you would do something clear off the wall without warning and get us both into trouble just for a few more good laughs just to let us know we were not alone in our troubles.  You most assuredly did put me in a place of content in an atmosphere of discontent. You were ruthless, cunning, and courageous in the face of all aggressors who sought to do us harm. Cathy . . . you are truly an amazing loving, brilliant, and resilient soul!  You forced me to not only face my own fears, but more importantly, you’ve shown me by way of your own actions how to overcome fear by simply staring down the lack of face-value of fear.  I learned to acknowledge its presence, but because of you, I have also learned how to move through it laughing as hard as I could.  You will always remain the stronger one.  You took upon yourself the burdens of our rough childhoods, and in so doing, you also took on an enormous responsibility of teaching us a meaning of survival being in the sacrifice.  You are an earthly light that kept lit my own—given of Divine Love for those who would always need your guidance through an often times overwhelming ‘hell’ of existence.  I know you will laugh and call me corny as always . . . but I love you so very much.  I proudly carry your spirit upon my heart where you touch me deeply.  You are my witness—one who sees me at my best and my worst and who loves me anyway.  You bring me my smile when lost, and even in the darkness, and allow my tears to flow freely when hidden from all others.  I have grown to love and appreciate your tough exterior along side the light within that shines brilliant in ways of coping with the unfairness of life.  You are as soft as a marshmallow at heart in matters concerning those you love.  You are ‘God’s’ way of letting me know that I do not always walk alone through this often times hardened dark chaotic world.  …♥…



Elizabeth .♥. (Thursday, August 15, 1957 – October 11, 2011)

Betty . . . you will always be to me.  Make no mistake in what you see when peering upon her angelic face, as your first instinct of her would be correct. She wore her heart with soulful unbridled determination. Indeed . . . no never did one. dare tell Betty that she could not do a thing, and all who knew her, knew she would surely prove you wrong while she feed you back your own words without honey-coating if you dared to disagree.  The harder the game presented to her, the deeper the challenge of fortitude she showed.  Never tell Betty the ‘no’ word, as surely, this always meant ‘yes’ I can and you can’t stop me!  She was one tough cookie, but at the same time would offer you all that she had in your need of it. Beyond her tough exterior, Betty could soften up when you spoke of happiness, dreams, and desires, but quick to anger with you if she thought you allowed anyone to treat you badly, “It’s your own fault if you allow anyone to treat you like s***!”  You could do nothing when her spells were upon you, and on her terms—she was brutally honest with her words, even if it meant she knew she had to be tough with you for you to ‘see’ things clearly her way. Through our childhood and into one adolescence, in most cases, my words would get us both into trouble.  It was always Betty who would literally drag me away from harmful situations, and with her hand over my mouth while telling me straight forward in insistent whispers and finger pointing in my face, to “shut up!” “Listen!”  Her approach was for you to follow her lead for everything to be alright.  I remember so many days of feeling anger mostly out of my own hurt feelings given from others.  She took hold of me when I was relentless in defense of my words.  Betty was the wiser, and knew she was saving my skin from a good ass whipping!  Betty would literally pin me down, get right in my face, and tell me, “I know you’re angry, but you have to find it in yourself to pull back on it sometimes, because nobody feels your anger but you.  You’re only hurting yourself … no one else. They don’t feel what you feel, but I do!  Let me take care of this!” Betty was a champ at just knowing what needed to be done, just at the right moments, and did it!  She was a true to life Guardian Angel who protected me from harms of the heart caused by others.  She would give me all she had graciously, just to see me calm and happy, and expected nothing for herself for it.  She would take over bad situations like the leader that she was.  Her way was to leave the ‘enemy’ looking down at their two feet in shame for their actions.  I was proud of her so many times I cannot even count.  Betty was fearless, and had a gift of just knowing how to put one to shame for their wrong-doings to make her point known . . . which was to make the perpetrator ‘see’ the wrong of an action no matter what cost or how hard she had to fight to be convincing.  Betty did not mince words.  In moments of challenge she was strong in fortitude and patience—the very means for our survival.  We are at heart, and always will be, true sisters.  Even though we were already bonded by birth, I did even cut my finger to mince our blood in sacred bonding.  My heart is indeed heavy with missing her, but I am aware of her spirit always, and I do know she waits patiently our arrival to complete the circle to be with her.   …♥…



Margaret .♥. (Sunday, June 14, 1959)

Peggy . . . you will always be to me.  An Angel in the mirror of life so true—given personally and Divinely for lessons in compassion, tolerance, and a meaning to give to true love’s existence.  Forgiving by nature is who you are, patient at all times in loyalty for love’s sake.  I have many memories of you Peggy, some more prominent than others  as we shared the line of middle position.  You were born an undeniably cute pudgy-cheeked baby with smooth ivory white skin, big blue eyes and a crop of curly coal black hair.  Easy to get along with, always in a happy mood, could wipe a frown from any face in an instant with your enchantment of smiley charms.  As we grew older, and as siblings do, I did indeed begin to convince  myself to be so much older, and felt to be much more experienced: A childish ego of sorts taking the better of me.  I had taken on an enormous dislike for you.  I do not know where it came from, but it did come.  Even our babysitters’ picked up on my attitude toward you, and as punishment, always made me hold your hand for hours. Ironically, you relished in the moment.  You Loved it!  I could see both a satisfaction of retribution and love on your face, and I of course hated it! You and your raggedy appearance, long stringy black hair, dirty shirt and all just put such a damper on my much more seemingly sophisticated ego.  You followed me around everywhere, mimicking me in everything.  You seemed an annoyance to me in all things, all the time.  I do have so many bittersweet memories of us.  I remember a day in particular when I just abruptly turned around and lashed out at you about your unwanted stalking efforts.  I even remember where.  It was on the sidewalk between the Mercead’s home and the Gonzales’s home.  I screamed at you to stop following me.  I was, well … ‘evil’ to you in those moments—hurting your feelings to the core was something I wanted to do and knew I had done just that.  You looked at me straight in the eye with total surprise—stunned I’d say, and I could see tears swelling up in those sad glassy beautiful big blue eyes. Your words . . . I did hear in such a quiet voice, “I just want to be your friend, I want to be just like you, that’s why I follow you.”  I really did want to continue my ‘shunning’ of you, but I just couldn’t.  You melted my heart completely in time. For the second time in my life concerning you Peggy, I saw in your face a most valuable thing; an admiration given to true love.  I didn’t let on at first that I was initially dumbfounded, not completely understanding my own feelings.  What I did come to understand, was that a life-long friendship was to be; an untouchable loyalty toward whatever ends.  You are loyal at heart to the things most important to you, and so readily forgiving from the first ‘I’m sorry’, unconditionally—and even without complete understanding.  I loved you totally for you in that moment, and love you always.  You have not only shown me compassion, but have also given me a gift—very honest and true words I needed to ‘see’ and feel, enabling me to let go of my own childish selfishness.   All I wanted to do was to take you home and clean up your sad and dirty little face.  I wanted to wash and brush your long and beautiful black hair until it shinned like the sun that you brought into my life.  I did hide my overwhelming feelings for you that day—I did cry that night, because I felt an eternal love for you: A love that could never be broken.  I know I have already given you my apologies for my ugly behavior, but I can never say it enough—you are my mirror shinning back at me.  I am truly grateful for you in my life.  I love you so very much, and I would be totally less than whole without you.  …♥…



Veronica .♥. ( Tuesday, April 11, 1961)

Ronnie . . . you will always be to me.  Always straight, upright, and proud heart-ed.  And still you remain a woman whose loyalty never wavers.  We dare not hurt you with betrayal, as we will be assured your quick and swift tongue, until a time of your own choosing to forgive. We know that you will neither tolerate, nor accept disloyalty, as honesty is your nature, your devotion given openly to everyone you love and trust. And you expect no less in return.  This we know is of utmost importance to you.  As one of my younger sibling, a position you held proudly, you never held back your sense of personal responsibility of protections, above or below the line.  You had our complete trust, and we had yours, in unworthy abundance.  We had our fun together,  as we partook in and carried out along with the crowd in our daily shenanigans, but it was your badge of perpetual trust and honor that we held high to lead the way.  At times of course, we would be ‘caught’ at our own ‘game’, but, always guaranteed was peace of mind in matters of your loyalty as we entrusted you with the evidence of our foul play.  Our very own special and unsuspected lucky charm. The enchantment of your smile would set us free.  You were our collaborative ward off trouble weapon; a personality easily steering blame away.  We did take your loyalty to our advantage—make no mistake, as you delighted in our complete trust of you, our very own ‘radar’ against anyone who dared lie to us.  Your unequivocal judgment of lies and truths we taken seriously, and we coveted your innocence to ourselves.  Yours were gifts of charm, grace, and loyalty.  The rest of us could only hope to master these attributes in a lifetime.  You were quite simply, treasured.  As a small child, you were not even able to tell any of us a lie.  On occasion, you would be caught with the ‘goods’, the ‘evidence’ on our behalf, and you were so very proud that we entrusted you with such position of importance.  I do remember also, at times, your honesty backfired, as you just could not lie even to our parents.  Still, and even in your innocence, you never pointed a finger; never did you ever give name to blame.  Fearless that you were, you took all blame upon yourself,  withstanding consequences.  Despite how trivial this may seem now, make no mistake, you had our full admiration for your ‘God’ given qualities; qualities that touched us deeply upon witnessing such fortitude.  Despite our rough and tough exteriors, we always had our Ronnie to make us shine like saints.  You took such great pride and delight in your place as you danced for us a dance that was ours, and for no one else.  Ronnie, you truly are a delight of heart.  We do love you so.  No one was ever a better playmate, nor more loyal a companion.  This has not changed of you.  Do know that hearts were broken upon being left to the past; those days of our childhood separations. Every one of us felt that shooting pain of anguish.  Our thoughts were that no one else could ever possibly be more deserving of you than we were. We appreciate your sweet nature.  We Love you forever. Make no mistake in our jealousies . . . we never wanted to share your charms with another.  Our Ronnie, a light of truth and grace.  At times of trying childhood, you were the only light we had.  …♥…



Thomas .♥. (Thursday, October 11, 1962 – October 5, 2011)

Tommy . . .  I will always call you.  Born a beautiful baby boy with brilliant blue eyes.  A Hugh smile seemingly painted upon your face.  Never have I ever witnessed you offer ‘judgment’ of anyone, for any reason, at any moment—hearing only from you words of fondness for others and your observances and perceptions of goodness you saw in every one you met. Everyone around you felt love, and even when no words were spoken, and even in your own times of sadness. All who knew you observed your quiet solitude.  I have such wonderful memories of you as a very small and extremely smart endearing child.  You had a gift of being manipulative in ways of playfulness.  We happily tossed you about like a little beach ball, and you would just giggle and giggle and giggle until all were left in tearful laughter.  Your laughter was infectious upon us; an addiction that consumed us daily.  Your sense of compassion was uncanny as you ‘read’ the faces around you so easily. So many many times did you bring yourself upon the lap of the saddest face in the room, just to give personal comforts.  Love was what you were, and we drank from your precious cup as we allowed it to overflow into us.  I remember how it broke your little heart to see another’s pain.  You tried to ‘fix’ things in your own way with so many hugs and kisses given such that filled one up completely.  All were comforted by your hugs. Tommy, you were our own little treasure and pleasure to have and to hold.   Nothing was ever held in grief for very long in your presence.  You had and shared freely your ‘bounce-back’ quality.  Never think for a moment that we did not have admiration for you in this, as the burdens of life just seemed to roll off you back so-to-speak, made forgotten, and on to the next challenge!  You did not waste your time on the mundane and unimportance of matters often reflective of ill-will.  Always thinking ahead of the game was how you handled everything, and when things did not go your way, you would shrug it off and say, “oh well . . . guess it wasn’t meant to be.”  I had only wished I had such quality of demeanor as I saw in you so many times.  Even when seemingly at times you own life was out-of-control for a time physically and mentally.  You held you head high as if to say, “I will get through this too”, while mostly keeping your troubles to yourself so as not to be of burden to others.  Your were wholly about giving, so in your own time of having to take from others in your own need, I did see your personal ‘shame’ of it; a remorse and a self-collapse not easily reconciled.  This was something that was tough for all of us to witness, as we knew it to be so unlike your nature. ‘Something’ malicious had touch you deeply, and I swear I did see your broken wings as a ‘demon’ took you from us for a time.  A sadder day could not have been for any of us.  I relish in hearing your memory … of laughter and words of wisdom, “Don’t take it so seriously . . . winning is not the ultimate goal in the ‘game’. What will matter most is your decision of what pieces you decide to move and when, and what pieces you decide to sacrifice and when . . . just to survive.   keep always in mind that one pawn on the game board has equal chance of becoming a Queen as does the Queen, but only if you don’t initially look upon the pawns as ‘loser’ from the start.  You have to ‘see’ they must all work together to achieve a self-prophesy; a satisfaction built in strategy of skill.  Call it a miracle of teamwork and sacrifice toward the gratification for all”. You were four years my younger when you taught me this reflective lesson while teaching me to play the game of chess.  I admired you so, and I miss you, but I know I will have the honor of your presence again when I see your beautiful face in our own eternal kingdom . . . the one of us . . . the one we both have place in.  …♥…



John .♥. (Monday, February 24, 1964)

Johnny . . . you will always be to me.   A fair of face dreamer . . . lover of life who holds tightly to freedoms without limits.  It is truly hard to place mere words on such an unrelenting soldier of honor as you, my brother John.  Your name is admiration  . . . your name is Divine in our hearts.  An inspiration to never give up the fight!  In this lifetime, we did witness courage, and with yours did come a complete conviction to forgiveness.  We are proud to be your sisters and brother!  It seemed to us the harder the punishments dished out upon you, the longer you stood in your place in face of will’s battle as you did not look away.  Equally, the greater the joy, the more you reaped all there was to reap from it, until all was deservingly taken. Those piercing blue eyes mirror your gentle nature to all who look into them—those who will see the eyes of the child of adult perspective where is held past misery and madness of blame for a father’s sins laid upon tiny shoulders.  We know you John, and it is only through you that we are able to ‘see’ that it is truly the most innocent and loving ones who bare and carry the biggest burdens of and for others.  John, you were so innocent, so kindly gentle and good; a pleasant child to behold, always remaining strong and courageous for others.  All you ever wanted for yourself and for others is simple joy and laughter to be our best of friends, and laughter and love you surely gave through your perplexing puzzlement of personality.  You were born to be an entertainer for happiness sake . . . you were born for us, giver of smiles and as well should have been allowed your gifts freely to give.  We surely did allow it and appreciated every smile and greedily took all you had to give.  The unworthy did not see your ‘Godliness’ . . . the passionate one inside you . . . the one we did ‘see’, your bigger-than-life spirit.   You were our Johnny, and so much more of what was not seen of your graces by others—graces which still do shine upon anyone who is near to you.  You have shared your intimate energies with us, and your energy we did feed upon for our survival.  Your light will not be put out, as we your brother and sisters hold a great measure of your light within us: A light of inspiration and encouragement . . . and of so much Love.  …♥…



Donna .♥. (Monday, June 14, 1965)

“The Baby” . . . you will always be to me.  Another bright Monday’s child fair of face and full of grace.  Our very own ‘diamond-in-the-rough’ baby to have and to hold bringing gifts of hopes and joys badly wished for in extreme times of shared childhood anguish.  Even though our sister Peggy did try to steal you away as her own (and really . . . who could blame her?), we greedily partook holding you little body close to touch your spells of joy placed upon our hearts in those precious moments.  And precious you will always be . . . such simplicity of pleasures felt through a mere holding of you little hand in ours just to reap your complete love and trust reflected in your eyes as you gazed upon our face.  I have overwhelming feelings when I ‘see’ you as a tiny child of my memories.  You were a tender child born into an already hard-torn realm of emotions.  Do know this Donna, it was you who held the Kingdom together in stilled moments of time by sheer gentleness of your nature?  We so enjoyed bathing you … stroking your hair … gazing upon you … playing with you, and just being in your world so completely, all else faded away.  A vision of enchantment and magic to behold and we were all under you love spell.  We took such pleasure in mornings to look upon your face as it lit up at our very presence.  You were the sunshine in all of our lives. There were so many moments that I will cherish . . . both happy and sad, and some more prominent.  I remember a time so well, an utter and unbearable grief and seeming betrayal carelessly thrown to us all. Your tiny face I still to this day see.  Sadness, is the word I see for a day in time forced on us to part ways.  A day of great loss.   A day of separation from you and my young brothers and sisters.  I begged her … I pleaded in tears of anger for a change of her mind and heart.  I do believe that she did have the best of good intentions within her own mind, but not in ours, not for you, and not for me. To remove you from my life so abruptly and so easily, was one of the most painful moments of my life.  I lived a painful, angry, and helpless discontentment for a long time without you and our brothers and sisters.  I could only describe it now to being like a stabbing pain of the heart. I know you shared the same. You held the very joy and hopes of my own heart in those days. It was unfair that those pains had come to pass, but always know Donna, you are of such immense measure in a bigger part of who I am. No one and nothing will ever take the place that I will always hold dear and deep within me for you.  I have watched you move through life as best permitted.  I admire the strength and confidence you cling to; always coming out the other end of heartache’s experience a better person. Your unequaled personality of sheer love for love’s sake has no match.  You have walked many paths of seemingly no return, yet in merciful miracles, you did return, every time, with your love only furthered and none swallowed up.  You did indeed win!  You have blossomed even more beautiful into the wonderful person that you have always been; a gift to have for whatever time now allowed any of us deemed worthy to stand in moment with you.  Your heart we do endear, as it has become more open and more loving, rather than been numbed or embittered in seeing much personal worldly pain.  Hope illuminates from you … love is your gift given and readily taken by all of us, as it is ours to freely take: A gift graciously given by means of your birth. Love and hope is what we reap in these hard times, and so to on forward down through all generations as we continue to be so very much loved.  I am at once moved to comforts given of hope by your spirit.  …♥…


A reason for everything, so it is said.  No surprise we are called, “Carry”.  A name revealing so much, so proudly.



I knew I was the weak link.  I was the one who cried and begged and carried on for mercy.  A fear of everything was the issue of not wanting to ‘go’ when it came my turn to learn appreciation, worthiness, forgiveness, love, etc . . . etc . . . etc . . . the things needed to learn to be of good heart when all that seemed forthcoming was humility.  I know I would have failed these lessons without my eternal companions volunteering their company to love me—to protect me—to  carry me through these ‘tests’ of fortitude.  Love did follow me, and without I will have failed.  I am forever grateful that Love is what I was born to and to be in order to face life’s ‘demons’ of un-fairness.



I have a dream.  A dream I carry with me.  A dream of where I resided from whence I came.  A dream of togetherness and not of separation as is suffered here.  My dream is my personal “Heaven”; a place of belonging longed for.  A place where joy exists freely uninterrupted and un-compromised.  I see only one eternity, and how could it be any other way, as I’ve already been given a just taste of paradise that did silence my fears through this earthly unreason.









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